can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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