guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
