girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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