I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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