I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
