he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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