I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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