i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
