Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
