if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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