Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
