a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i believe in u and ur pee
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
