Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
