Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
