I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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