im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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