It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
