i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
