So drunk its hurt
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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