Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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