i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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