do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
