Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Such a big mess for such a small penis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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