I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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