I feel great
I just peed on a car
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
