why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
