Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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