how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
