I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
