I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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