I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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