the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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