I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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