It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
