i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
