I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
