from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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