Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
