Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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