my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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