I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
