i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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