Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
