worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
