Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
