Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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