If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
