Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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