when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
