Sponge bath it is.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
