If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
