if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just blew my weed a kiss
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
