hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is the high leading the old right now
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
