I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
