I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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