I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
