Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
