Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
