Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
