Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
