I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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