i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
