i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
These tits shall not be calmed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
