That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
