i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
