i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
