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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.

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• (936): View more from Texas

  I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It usually does with you

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.

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• (212): View more from New York

  Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick

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• (415): View more from California

  I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.

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