Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen

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(847): View more from Illinois

this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way

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(312): View more from Illinois

Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up

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(334): View more from Alabama

i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face

(1-334): View more from Alabama

so you're single again?

(334): View more from Alabama

yea but it was worth it

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The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Read it at the TFLN blog
(425): View more from Washington

Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.

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(925): View more from California

I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.

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(213): View more from California

If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out

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(979): View more from Texas

I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts

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