ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
