update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY