i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?