Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.