That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
and you fell through a lawn chair
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
