He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?