I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
