He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
