Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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