Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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