we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
