In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
